Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
