paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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