a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize