you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
