You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
