i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just puked most of my soul out..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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