I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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