I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
