I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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