Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I need water and some morals
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
