I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Houston, we have a blender
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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