hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
