Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
