I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
