; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
