I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
