you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Boobs speak an international language.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
