Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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