His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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