i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
