i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
