Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
