She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
