I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
