i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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