i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize