Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
