i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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