i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your penis caused this!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
