I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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