he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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