What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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