i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My dick has a subreddit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
