im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
