paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
