just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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