"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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