hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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