my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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