Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
