Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
