Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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