All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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