So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
