I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
