honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
