just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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