Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
