I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
