So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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