forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
