Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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