I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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