can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
