They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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