I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
