Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
