I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my poor anus
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
