I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
