So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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