is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
