There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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