Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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