I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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