My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
