There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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