Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
