Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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