so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
