Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
