I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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