Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
