she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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