You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
