where am i from again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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