Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize