Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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