i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize