He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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