so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
