Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
